


Endless Torrent of Expectations

by bitsnbobs



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Dad related issues, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Talk of loss, What Could Have Been
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-15 04:22:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8042476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitsnbobs/pseuds/bitsnbobs
Summary: 'Robert rubbed a hand down his face and gestured to the phone, “I had a client who knew my dad. Said he talked about his sons. One of them was a ‘reckless disappointment’ apparently.”'Adam is there for Robert when he needs to offload some stuff about his dad.





	Endless Torrent of Expectations

**Author's Note:**

> 'I'm not my father's son  
> I'm not the image of what he dreamed of.  
> With the strength of Sparta  
> And the patience of Job  
> Still couldn't be the one  
> To echo what he'd done  
> And mirror what was not in me.'
> 
> I've been listening to the Kinky Boots soundtrack- this fic is inspired by the above song 'Not My Father's Son'. The title is also one of it's lyrics.
> 
> "The endless torrent of expectations  
> Swirling inside my mind wore me down  
> I came to a realisation  
> And I finally turned around  
> To see that I could just be me."
> 
> Yeah, I thought of Robert.

Adam trudged up the cabin steps, pulling off his gloves as he pushed the door open. He saw Robert sitting at his desk and nodded over at him,

“Hey,” he said cheerfully, “Do you want a brew?”

He turned to the kettle and started to get mugs out but then realised Robert hadn’t answered him. He turned back around and properly looked at the other man. He was sat back in his chair and starring into space,

“Robert! Robert? Oi, do you want a brew?”

Robert finally heard and shook himself, “Oh, erm, no thanks.”

Adam frowned, “Is everything alright?”

“What? Oh yeah…fine, it’s fine. I’m fine,” Robert picked up some paperwork and started reading. However, Adam had begun to walk towards his desk and he noticed something,

“Everything is so fine that you can now read upside down, eh?” Adam said with raised brows as he righted the paper in Robert’s hand. 

Robert sighed heavily and dropped the papers on the table. He sat back again and closed his eyes. 

Adam watched him a moment, “You can talk to me, you know? I mean, I know Aaron is-“

“This isn’t about Aaron.”

Adam was relieved to hear that; the two men had been doing so well that he’d hate for things to have started crumbling.

“It’s about my dad.”

“Your dad?”

Robert rubbed a hand down his face and gestured to the phone, “I had a client who knew my dad. Said he talked about his sons. One of them was a ‘reckless disappointment’ apparently.”

“Oh,” Adam winced slightly, “I doubt those were your dad’s words.”

Robert scoffed, “Doesn’t matter though, does it? The sentiment was clearly there.”

“Look…Robert…”

“No, no,” Robert interrupted sitting forward again and picking up a pen with which he gestured at Adam, “It’s fine. I’ve been sitting here thinking about it and I have decided that its ok.”

“Ok?” Adam was beginning to get worried about where this conversation was going and was already thinking of ways to try and discreetly text Aaron.

Robert wasn’t even looking at him properly though, he appeared to just be speaking to the room, “Yeah…cos, you see, I’m not my father’s son. I’m not the guy that he knew. And you know? That’s ok.”

“Robert…”

“No, it is ok. Because that guy wasn’t good,” Robert shrugged heavily, “He wasn’t.”

Adam was at a loss at what to say. Robert had settled his eyes on him as if daring him to challenge what he had said and Adam knew that the wrong words could make the situation worse. He was about to escape words by reaching out to squeeze the other man’s shoulder but Robert closed his eyes and continued,

“But you know what hurts?” He opened his eyes again and they were pricking with the threat of tears, “He’ll never know me now. And now, well, I don’t think, I hope anyway, that I wouldn’t be considered a ‘reckless disappointment.’”

“Oh mate,” Adam’s hand met Robert’s shoulder and he rubbed it comfortingly.

Robert sniffed darkly, “Thing is, I probably would be. Bisexual and living with a man. Can really see my dad liking that.”

Adam shook his head, “He’d have had Vic, Diane and a fair few other people against him there.”

Robert shook his head and blinked up at the younger man, “The best part of me and he wouldn’t see it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Aaron,” Robert stated plainly, “He’d have never accepted us.”

“You don’t know that,” Adam argued firmly.

Robert’s eyes flicked downwards and he swallowed, “Guess we’ll never know, huh?”

Adam looked down, unable to disagree and suddenly feeling the loss of his own dad. John would never see how settled he was with Vic. Didn’t even see them get married. Didn’t know he had his own business…

“Adam? Adam?” Robert frowned, “You ok? I know, I’ve not exactly been a barrel of laughs.”

Adam looked up, snorted and then tilted his head, “No, your fine. I just…thinking about my own dad.”

Robert’s face dropped, “Oh sorry, I-“

“Rob, mate, don’t worry about it. I understand, alright?” Robert nodded slowly. Adam shrugged, “I guess we just have to think about the people who know us now.”

“Hmmm,” Robert agreed. They both sat lost in their own thoughts for a while and then Robert allowed a smile, “Sometimes I think I am the luckiest guy.”

Adam smiled along with him, “I sometimes feel like I am too. I mean, Rob, mate, your sister is everything to me.”

“Your best friend is everything to me,” Robert replied. They both chuckled until something serious passed over Adam’s face,

“Robert, you are far from being a ‘reckless disappointment’, you have to know that, right? And I am sorry that your dad isn’t here to see you. How you are with Aaron. How you are in general…most of the time,” Adam winked cheekily and Robert rolled his eyes even though his face was already starting to flush, “But we’re here. We see it. You’re a good guy.”

Robert gulped and failed to stop tears forming in his eyes, “Thanks, Adam,” he whispered.

Adam smiled once more and then decided it was perhaps best to leave Robert for a moment, “Right, I’ll carry on making these brews, eh? Milk, one sugar, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Robert called after him, feeling slightly more at peace with the thoughts about his dad. It was always going to be a long road. 

…


End file.
